Seorang Wanita yang Tangguh.

Hj. Yama Soemargo binti Kenasin

Apa yang kuketahui tentang beliau?

Beliau merupakan ibu dari ayahku yang merupakan anak kesepuluh dari sebelas bersaudara. Memang cukup untuk membuat satu tim sepakbola campuran laki-laki dan wanita. Oke, bercanda.

Tapi dari anak yang berhasil ia lahirkan, sebelas orang, sudah membuktikkan dari awal bahwa beliau adalah wanita yang sangat tangguh.

Itu, poin pertama.

Beliau lahir pada 4 Mei 1920—tidak perlu membayangkan dimana keberadaanku dan kamu pada tahun itu. Sungguh, tidak perlu.

Beliau lahir di Pagar Alam, suatu tempat yang baru aku tahu saat beliau meninggal. Saat kesana, memang tidak tepat ke tempat beliau lahir, tapi sudah membuktikkan bahwa tempat itu sangat indah dan asri.

Beliau menikah dengan seorang pria di Lahat—pada tahun berapa? Entah, saya lupa. Belum pernah mendengar Kota Lahat juga? Tak apa, aku pun baru tahu saat—tidak, bukan saat beliau sudah meninggal, tetapi sudah lebih lama aku mengetahuinya.

Pria itu kerja apapun, dari kepala masinis di Lahat hingga kepala suatu perusahaan di Bandar Agung, itu berada di Lampung. Kerjanya tidak menetap dan berpindah-pindah, membuat wanita mengikutinya dengan anak-anak yang setiap tahun bertambah.

Hingga pada akhirnya pria itu meninggal karena penyakit dan sedang berada jauh dari sisi istrinya.

Saat itu istrinya telah melahirkan anak terbungsu, anak kesebelas, yang telah berusia dua tahun. Sebagai seorang ibu yang memiliki sebelas anak, kini tanpa ada seorang pria yang menanggung segala keperluannya,  beliau terpaksa untuk membiarkan suaminya terbaring untuk selamanya di Lampung, tak dapat membawanya ke sisinya untuk terakhir kalinya.

Kau tahu? Itu sangat menyedihkan.

Tahun-tahun terus berlanjut. Anak-anak terus tumbuh dan berkembang. Segala keperluan untuk bertahan hidup terus bertambah. Wanita itu bekerja—sesuatu yang dilarang pada saat itu bila seorang suami masih ada, namun dengan keadaan yang berubah, wanita itu mengikuti ujian dan melamar untuk menjadi guru SD. Banyak masa yang menyenangkan yang ia lalui bersama dengan anak-anaknya.

Wanita itu tetap bersiteguh bahwa anak-anaknya harus bersekolah—tetap bersekolah. Ia percaya bahwa pendidikan adalah penting bagi anak-anaknya.

Tahun demi tahun berlalu, anak-anaknya semakin tumbuh besar dan mulai meninggalkan tempat bernaung mereka; ada yang ke Jakarta, Bandung, Surabaya dan kota-kota lainnya.

Dari Lahat,  wanita itu dipaksa untuk pindah ke Palembang bersama anak tertua kedua dan suaminya. Lalu pindah ke Bekasi, lebih dekat dengan kebanyakkan anak-anaknya. Namun ia tidak betah setelah beberapa tahun. Ia lebih memilih untuk kembali ke Palembang.

Hingga ajal menjemputnya.

Secara harfiah.

25 Juli 2014.

Setiap tahun, setiap anak-anaknya berusaha untuk berkumpul dengan ibu mereka, membawa keluarga baru yang lebih kecil. Cucu-cucu hingga cicit-cicit harus mengenal nenek dan buyut mereka.

Bagiku sendiri, tak ada yang harus disalahkan, well, mungkin aku bisa menyalahkan diriku sendiri, tapi aku tak banyak memiliki kenangan bersama nenekku, wanita tangguh itu. Selain dari cerita-cerita yang sering ayahku ceritakan ulang, aku tak tahu banyak mengenainya ditambah dengan kemampuan ingat jangka pendekku.

Baik, ini pengakuanku.

Ketika aku kecil, aku tak ingat kontakku dengan nenek. Ketika aku mulai besar, aku tak banyak bercakap dengannya. Mungkin karena jarak antara tempat tinggalku dan nenek yang lumayan jauh—butuh waktu satu jam menggunakan pesawat—dan hanya neneklah satu-satunya orang yang seusianya yang kutahu—kakek dan nenek dari ibuku telah pergi sebelum aku ada, sehingga aku tak banyak tahu bagaimana harus berhadapan dengannya. Entahlah, beliau itu bukan om dan tante—yang biasanya aku pun selalu canggung berhadapan dengan mereka, beliau itu seseorang yang paling tua di keluargaku. Aku tak terbiasa, itu saja.

Karena itu aku sanggup untuk menahan tangisku saat mendengar berita itu. Aku pun harus kuat demi ayah dan ibuku. Kau tahu kenapa.

Tapi setiap aku mengingatnya, aku selalu mengingat kulitnya yang merenggang karena usia dengan kelembutannya—aku sangat takut menyentuh kulitnya yang sangat lembut dan rapuh, takut bila kusentuh akan terjadi sesuatu yang buruk, rambut putihnya yang sangat-sangat-sangat panjang yang selalu ia gerai setelah mandi dan keramas. Aku pernah memandangi nenek setelah mandi, duduk di kursi di depan cermin dan sedang menyisir rambutnya yang sangat-sangat-sangat panjang lalu menggelungnya-menggelungnya-menggelungnya lagi menjadi cepolan di atas rambutnya hanya ditusuk dengan jepitan khusus dan voila! Rambut itu tidak akan berantakkan seharian. Dan satu hal lagi yang selalu kuingat tentangnya adalah gunting kuku. Setiap anak—well tidak, setiap cucu selalu menanyakan padanya tentang gunting kuku, diberitahukannya tempatnya dan setelah itu pasti selalu ada kata-kata, “kembalikan lagi ke tempat asalnya setelah selesai dipakai, supaya tidak sulit untuk mencarinya lagi.” Yah, semacam itulah.Dan itu berlaku untuk setiap barang-barangnya. Aku pun mengingat bahwa nenek selalu bersiteguh untuk selalu menyapu rumahnya, katanya itulah satu-satunya olahraga yang dapat ia lakukan. Itu, saat beliau masih sehat walau berumur. *berkaca pada diriku sendiri!*

Setiap ke kamarnya, pemandangan menggelung rambut dan gunting kuku itu selalu teringat padaku.

Namun aku tak begitu ingat akan nenek di saat-saat terakhirnya. Entah karena apa, aku tak belum pernah ikut merawat nenek semenjak beliau jatuh sakit dan sakitnya semakin parah. Hanya dari berita yang setia diberitakan di whatsapp grup Soemargo dan tentu saja dari ayahku.

Sepanjang hidup ayahku, ayah mengambil nilai-nilai kehidupan nenek; pasrah, ikhlas, dan disiplin. Bila ayahku sudah menuliskannya, ya sudahlah. Pasrah mendapat apa yang harus ia hadapi, ikhlas dalam apapun yang didapatkanya dan disiplin dalam menjalankan kehehidupannya. Kita semua pasti sadar akan tiga hal itu. Bagiku, poin ketiga-lah yang sangat terlihat, beliau tetap merapkannya hanya hingga sakit menyerangnya yang membuat kebebasan nenek untuk bergerak sendiri lebih terbatasi.

Bila aku sendiri, aku selalu terngiang dengan semboyan nenek, gotong royong satu hati. Kalimat itu sangat tepat ditujukkan pada sebuah keluarga besar, keluarga besar nenek.

Nenek, Hj. Yama Soemargo binti Kenasin, adalah wanita yang tangguh, setia, dan pantang menyerah demi kesejahteraan anak-anaknya. Kini, anak-anaknya telah mampu berdiri di kaki mereka sendiri dan membangun keluarganya masing-masing, mengasuh anak dan cucu. Menyadari itu, mungkin, dengan kehendak Allah SWT, nenek membiarkan anak-anaknya melanjutkan perjalanan kehidupan tanpa dirinya dan membiarkan mereka menjelajahi kehidupan lagi dan nenek sendiri menyusul kakek Soemargo dan kakak-kakaknya serta sanak saudaranya yang lain dalam kedamaian. Amin.

Sangat sulit untuk melupakannya. Memang. Tapi siapa bilang kita harus melupakannya? Kita dapat mengenang segala hal baik tentangnya dan dapat pula menerapkan apa yang beliau lakukan, nilai-nilai positif ke dalam kehidupan kita juga.

 

 Via Path (August 13, 2014)

Please, let me say this: aku sangat bangga dapat terlahir di dalam bagan keluarga Soemargo, Yama Soemargo. Begitu banyak anak-cucu-cicit yang menyayanginya, mencintainya. Begitu banyak kenangan bersamanya. Baru sepintas aku lihat draft yang ada, airmataku bercucuran. Gagal sudah ambisi anehku untuk menahan tangis. Tapi sungguh, aku… Begitu banyak kenangan, pelajaran hidup yang sangat berharga. Ingin rasanya dapat mengikuti semua itu. Aku membayangkan ini baru seorang nenek yang kusayangi walau jarang bertemu bagaimana bila kedua orangtuaku nanti? Aku hanya berharap, aku tidak akan berubah menjadi anak yang begitu ‘mengagungkan’ dunia, terlalu berusaha keras mencapai ‘kesuksesan’ hingga melupakan apa dan siapa yang terpenting di kehidupanku. Please, just let me say that… This is just too much.

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Too Much Thinking and “I Don’t Know”

Well, it’s been a while since I use this blog. Ah, I don’t know what I have to write in here.

But, maybe it’s a ‘new start’, I think.

Well, my activities just a usual. So usual. So I got boring with all that stuff.

At morning I wake up and get ready to the college, listen the teacher ‘speech’, writing (or draw) something on my paper, eat, gossip with buds, bla bla bla. And yeah, finally, I got the cusp of boredom, specially at night, at home when I’m not doing nothing. Like now.

And from that, I knew that I was the person who loves to move, just some activities. If I just sit around, I’ll get boring.

So I really need to do something–I mean not just walking around, buy some stuff (even it makes my feeling better, well, I’m a girl), but something. And so I’m thinking; “what I want to do? Something that have meaning”

First, practice tennis like a pro, yes, I want to following some match. But I know, at my age is not to “start” anymore, moreover to become pro.

Second, finish my story. Yap, I used to writing since I’m in junior high (or senior high maybe?) and when it, my imagination was so ‘smoothly’, you know? I’m not always stuck. But now, I don’t know, but when I did writing the ex. like prolog, then I can’t bring the story to the conflict, or bring the conflict to the conclusion. It made me frustration, I admit.

Third, hmm playing violin more often. But well, yeah… you know? No? You don’t know? Well, let it be…

Fourth, So what else? Hmm, Oh! Yeah, painting. I don’t know but I want to try. A small canvas and some acrylic paint. Or make some baked potato.

Fifth, after my Mom trigger some idea about making a small room above my bedroom for keep my books there, yes a small library special for me. That Idea always on my mind. I don’t know if Mom just some talking and won’t do nothing but I want to make it real, my own (small) library. I know Mom (and Dad) can bring that my new dream to become real but I think there’s more something to thinking more first. But, oh Allah, one full wall I’ll use to keep the books from ceiling to the floor, and that floor will covered with a thick red comfortable carpet, and on the other side there is a easychair (since long ago I always want chair like ‘chair’ who’s belonging to my cousin–and now is somewhere). On the other wall side, will be not a ordinary wall but covered with window, big window which is reach from ceiling to the floor (yap, like books wall) so the sunlight can enter the room and can minimize the use of lights (light just for night). I know, I will be comfort will all that stuff and yeah, maybe I can spend the whole day in there. But I’m thinking again, I don’t know but I’m thinking that after I graduate from college I will searching for job and have a house then married then I move away from my parents home. And it make me feeling like deplore if ‘I’ make that special room but after couple years I’ll go away. Isn’t waste? Why I didn’t make that special room on my–future–own house? Yeah, I know, It’s need couple years. For many years. I told my Mom like that and she said (I’m not sure the really word is but the point is), “Yeah, let it be.” The point is Mom allow me to ‘make’ that special room. But, once again, I think it will not happen. Ah, I hate being pessimist!

Sixth, what else? Oh! Flight attendant. Yeah, I told my Mom, who was ever aspire to become air hostess, that if I’m not get a job immediately, I want to follow the training to become flight attendant. But Dad tell me that I have to go straight to S2 (what? Magister or what?) after graduate. But yeah, future… don’t know what will happen, rite?

Seventh, being fashion blogger or stuff like that? I know I have interested in fashion but it often just standard. And I’m not that so fashionable.

Eight, go abroad? I want. I want to Europe. One of my best friend, told me that her friend is after on Europe, visit some cities in there. I really want it. But I’m worried that my english is worse. Can it happen? Not yet my grammar is so bad (so I’m sorry for this writing, ‘k and of course with help from goo*le translate hihi so sorry with my grammar). This writing is my practice, actually. In my daily life, I’m not using english so I’m worried if my english ability decreased.

Ninth, …. what else? I have no idea.

Well, after I’m thinking again, again, and again why I’m like this, feeling like something less. Well I think I know the answer; is I need to looking my passion is. Yeah, I don’t know what my passion. Many people said, “my passion is in music,” “my fashion is my passion,” “cooking is my passion”, so what my passion is?

I don’t know.

I know I looveees reading novels, comics but lately I feel it’s not enough anymore. After I’m finished one comic or novel, I’m feeling empty. (Finally I said that word). Really empty. Then I’m thinking, “what can I do? To make this (my) life is more meaningful?” I just felt that my life is just that’s it, y’ know? Just itu-itu saja.

I want something meaningful in my life, I want feeling something, I want… I want… I want… what? Again, I don’t know.

Amazing Thailand!

I have amazing experience for this holiday. yeay!

it’s called “11th International Thai Culture Camp” in Sri Chang Island, Thailand.

can you believe it? I? go to overseas? and a international camp? especially we have to speak only with English?

well, trust me (it works)

ahahahaha…

well, what I do there?

I have the schedule here, but… well, in there, the participants from all countries would have room mate, group mate. and after all the activities for the day, we have to wrote in a book (which is they–the staff–give us a Chulalongkorn University book, what we learn, what we felt in that day. It’s like diary.

and I just wrote the diary in here, ok, day by day.

#Day 1 (10 Jan 2013)

I’m so happy about this holiday.

This is my first time going overseas, to Singapore (for transit) and Thailand.

I met many people in here, which is mayority by Thai. Thai persons is so nice and crazy!

And after we landed in Kho Sri Chang, we immediately planning the games (to know each other).

We all shared many games from various country.

There’s so many games; about fruits, numbers and many others.

We all have fun and laugh!

I feel challenging in here, ’cause we want or not, we have [to] speak [E]nglish which is I [am not] really good [at] (because my word of [E]nglish is so little) and I have to really pay attention to anyone who speak[s] so I can understand what they said.

yeah, I know. My English is really bad. so after we finished the diary we have to showed it to the supervisor (the group 4 is by Howard or Santa by his white beard from, hm, I forgot England I thought) and he correcting my writing. the [] is correction by him. and he said: This is good English and very understandable. Very good. and he ended it with his sign.

#Day 2 (11 Jan 2013)

This day is full of activities. I think this day was the main of this camp. Actually we have to woke up at 6.30 (AM) but I‘m over slept so I miss the yoga. Whereas (I see the dictionary ahahaha) I really, really want to join that yoga, because I never had [have] before and I really want to try it.

Then we had a cooking session. And our group made Thai and Indonesian food. After all of the groups finished we have special guest from Chula University. About the food? Absolutely it’s delicious, because it [is] our cooking.

After that we have to perform by country. And I love all the performances! They have dance, sing so nice and great. And I really had fun when I (Indonesian) performed.

and Howard said, very good information, and English very good with very few changes needed. with his graph.

#Day 3 (12 Jan 2013)

Ah, this is the last day.

just that. It was what I wrote in Thailand. Even the other group is still with this activity (wrote the diary and got the correction from the supervisor), but my group (group 4) not doing that for the last day. Kinda sad, actually.

But after I arrive at home, and the next day, I wrote what I felt for the last time in there for I do not forget about the last day. So… here it’s…

14 Jan 2013, in Home, Bandung, Indonesia

That was a amazing memories in there!

Well, in the last day, I and Indonesian people going to the beach (in the morning), took a photo, walking around and after breakfast we all going to the village and looked around.

This was my first time used Tuk Tuk (I don’t know how to write it. It is like angkot in Indonesia). lol.

Then each group prepared for the perform.

After dinner we’re perform! and my group (group 4) is on seventh to perform. Ah I don’t know what people think. And wait it on youtube! lol.

But one friend (Oui or on FB is Emmi …) said to me that my voice is big ’cause it from diafragma (?) and she said that I can sing and dance. Wow that is so much to me (I danced when I played games).

We shared souvenir, took many photos, sing along night with Thai’s people, Chinesse, Mexico, Germany, Brunei, Japan (but she going to sleep first) and us, Indonesian!

Ah, that was really a great experience!

I want to go there again!

 

P.S. In there, there was Thai, Chinesse, Germany, Mexico, Brunei, Japan, Singapore, Indonesia (of course) and many more!

of course, because our group is not checking by my supervisor, Howard, I don’t have correction (maybe you can correction that? :))

and the fourth day, after we breakfast we going to the port which is go to the airport and go to Jakarta, Indonesia. So I don’t bought much souvenir from Thai. Too sad. But I have enough for my family and me ehehehe…

Image

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that’s all the participants, staff, and supervisor. Up: close the beach. Down: in meeting room where we all perform and meeting in there.Image

Indonesian with Thailand (glasses down), Singapore (glasses standing), Brunei (just the head -.-) lol

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and that is Indonesian person who participate this camp this year. From left: Frinsoni B. N. or Kak Soni (semester 5, Unpad), S. Nurmalasari or Kak Mala (semester 5, Unpad), Aulia Z. Q. or Zaqi (semester 1, Maranatha), A. P. or me (blue shirt, semester 3, Unpad), Mikail D. or Mika (SMAN 5, 2nd year), P. Ilham (semester 1, ITB), Eggy or Kak Egi (semester 7, Unpad) and Rifky G. or Kak Rifki (with glasses, semester 5, Unpad).

well, I felt enjoy with them even I just know them by 2 or 3 days (when we practice for the county performance) before we go to Thailand. I can tell I prefer enjoy with them than …. *shhhh*

ahahahaha…

Actually, this camp is not public announcement, but this program I know it from word of mouth and the staff won’t make it public announcement, so in the end, she said that we–who participants–is a special person that can take this international program. And that make me proud. I, who never follow any international program, camp, or whatever, very happy with what she said.

weelll, we can say, that we are planning to go to 5 countries (I forgot what countries it is) and I just hope it’s not just in talk, we have to do something to make it happen!

and I think, we all in same thinking to go to Thailand again next year. I hope I can more interest with that plan (to Thailand, I mean) next year.

Well, regards, from Thailand!

P.S. this program is based by Chulalongkorn University, Department of Thai Music, Faculty of Fine and Applied Arts. and you can find photos (like so important to you ahahaha) in Absolutely Thai with album The 11th International Thai Culture Camp Vol. 1 (628 photos) and The 11th International Thai Culture Camp Vol. 2 (888 photos) 🙂

P.S.S. I forgot, my story when transit in Singapore (experience from Thai is so great even this transit is forgotten) well, Indonesian transit in Singapore from about 10 o’clock until about hm 6 pm, I think. So we have about 5 hour to walking around in Singapore. The point is, I found peacock necklace! yeaay! I bought 4 necklace and one is for my friend.

oh P.S.S.S Image

well, that is souvenir that I got from friends in there. from Best, Got, Meen, Sajee (she is my first Thai friend and I like her she is cute ><), Big, oh and one more from Te (but it looked like I didn’t photo it) and three other is from the camp, yeah like souvenir ahahaha. Thank you so much guys…

Until Last Year, Keep Your Spirit Up, Non!

Well, it’s been along time (no, it’s not lyric of Maroon 5’s song) since I wrote in here. so many activities in this time; progress (welcoming for Mahasiswa Baru) and processing for LPJ (and it finish two hours ago, this night), coursework, and finishing novels. ahahaha…

and I think, many coursework later. (yeah, of course)

many financial outlay; for college affairs, holiday in January (if I were to go), and to camp in Thailand in January 10th-13th (if I were to go too).

many things I think; back into Presidium in December BUT it will attended by Mahasiswa Baru 2012 too! man, it was (too much) pressure to me!, making stories, reading a novels and buy a novels (yeah, that is I think about too, no time for that actually, but I will sempatin), and the things that will come to me at time goes by.

well, what I have to prepare is: PRAY, keep TRYING, and always full of SPIRIT and SMILE. 🙂

Ganbatte, Non!

P.S. well, I need one more thing, I need laugh, I need somebody who can hear my stories. I don’t need someone who will pity me when I’m sad, but I really need–minimal just one person–who will cheering me up when I’m in terrible feeling, just saying “Semangat ya”, and I will do–anything–again with (well) half spirit! yeah, until that (although a few friends of mine has do that for me, and I’m really thanks to them) I keep spiriting myself. tee hee.

so poor of me, right?

Right Now? Yes, Just Right Now.

Wow! begitu banyak yang terjadi padaku belakangan ini.

well, aku disuruh istirahat full oleh Allah di Rumah Sakit selama enam hari karena demam berdarah yang aku mendapat reaksi pertama di kampus pagi-pagi dengan menggigil–benar-benar menggigil.

Lalu beberapa kejadian karena sakitku itu, uas yang harus kususul. Rapat-rapat untuk menyusun proposal agar penyambutan mahasiswa baru tahun ini diserahkan pada angkatan kami seluruhnya. oh, jaketku yang masih ada di temanku (ahahaha nggak apa-apa kok). Beberapa kali menaiki motor ke kampus dan menemui berbagai hal di jalannya (salah satunya tadi waktu pulang sedikit berteriak karena hendak menghindari motor yang menghindari mobil eh ternyata ada angkot yang hanya berjarak sekitar dua sentimeter saja. Mengerti?)

Kemalasan yang sedang menyelimutiku, hingga benar-benar berat untuk keluar dari rumahku yang nyaman.

Ingin membaca terus–novel, kampus, cerita bikinan sendiri maupun postingan di blog ku sendiri.

Dan persiapan permainan biola ku untuk tampil kembali (yeay!) dalam konser ensemble (permainan musik musik dengan menampilakan performer lebih dari satu orang) kali ini. Semoga kali ini kami dapat memainkan lagu Can-can dan Yamko Rombe Yamko dengan baik dan lancar. Amiiinnnnn.

That’s all for now. 🙂

 

P.S. I know, this posting is really pointless, right? But right now, I really want to write.